Regression

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Memory is a funny thing. We tend to forget, push away and even change what’s happened to us and the way we keep those memories in our minds.

It’s been 3 years since we moved from Pennsylvania to Texas, and it’s been 2 years since we moved from the apartment into the house.

Twice, since the boys were diagnosed with Autism, we’ve had MAJOR changes for the boys to the point where there was regression. So, I knew it was going to be hard moving from the house into an apartment, but I knew I could deal with it, just like I have in the past… and besides… it’s one step closer to us being able to move to Colorado.

I remembered little things, like the boys having a hard time sleeping.
Being upset because of change in routine and not knowing what’s going on…
I remember being tired.
Remembered Justin having belly issues…
I remember fearing regression.
I mean, who wants to work REALLY hard, just to lose it all?
I remember crying to doctors asking them to find another way to treat my children because I was scared they’d regress because it would be such a shock to their systems > like having 6 people holding them down while they’re screaming bloody murder trying to draw blood…

It’s ironic just how much I forgot or pushed away until it all happened again, until I started seeing the changes and remembering why I was so scared. Maybe I pushed it away… maybe I chose to forget. Maybe it’s my underactive thyroid, stealing pieces of my life, my memory… gone unless I took pictures or something triggers the memories again.

So it’s no wonder why people who have never lived with someone who has regression or dealt with it personally, would shrug it off and say something like “he’ll almost definitely regress… but regression is better than death”. Which, don’t get me wrong… it is… but regression isn’t something to sneeze at either.

It’s anxiety over not knowing where you are or why you’re here.
It’s being scared because things are new and have changed and your routine, the thing that kept you safe and understanding and knowing of what’s to come so you could finally breath, is gone and you don’t know when it’s coming back.
It’s shaking… trying to figure out what’s going on, and not being able to sleep for days or even weeks because it’s not your room…

It doesn’t look the same.

It doesn’t smell the same…
…sound the same.
It’s not eating…
It’s getting stomach issues because you don’t feel comfortable going to the bathroom in a new place.
It’s losing language because your body and brain can’t focus on speaking when it’s so focused on it’s fight or flight instincts.

It’s crying at night, asking to “go home”.
It’s grinding your teeth and never being able to just be still… because you’re not comfortable in this new place that isn’t your home.

It’s not understanding the new rules or forgetting them… so instead of staying inside with your mom, you find a way out… and not know how to get back or ask for help or even realize what you’re doing is wrong or dangerous… and your neighbors find you, call the cops. Your mom, barely able to breath, crying her eyes out, scared to death and panicking, that she’d find you hit by a car. Looking everywhere for you because you don’t have any “usual spots” or “typical routes” to even start looking in, finally sees you and can bring you back home… collapses on the floor… sobbing… living through another of her worst nightmares.

It’s a Mom, sitting on the floor outside of their child’s room… bawling her eyes out.
Praying her kids will calm down and go to sleep… because she hasn’t slept in days and she’s exhausted.
Hoping that they stop screaming…
That the kid who was here just a couple weeks ago, would come back to her.
Dreading how much work it’ll take to get them back to where they were…
Where her kids listened and didn’t run away from her… They understood, stayed safe… and knew how to behave because of repetition and understanding of expectations.
Where she could breathe… could allow herself to drop her guard for a few minutes throughout a day because she knew they were safe.
Instead of living in constant fear… having heart attacks when she can’t see all three of her kids right away…. Slipping into a panic attack, thinking they got out of the apt again.. And this would be the time CPS would take them away or she would find them at the bottom of the pool, taken or hit by a car.

Regression isn’t just needing to relearn a few words or “two steps forward, one step back”… it’s like a reset button. And you never know exactly what it’s going to reset. It’s anxiety and fear. It’s sleepless nights and crying… lots and lots of crying.
It’s everything and anything that isn’t health or safety getting put on the back burner.

And it’s what we’re dealing with right now…

You might be an Autism Parent if…

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It’s the end of Autism Awareness Month, and if you’re a regular on my page My Crazy Little People, you’ve seen the little cartoon characters I’ve been making with the hashtag #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf… If you haven’t click here to check them out. 🙂

However, they can be incredibly time consuming, and difficult to create with the limited things I can do on the websites I use. Instead I decided to make a list of all your amazing quotes and post them in my blog!

I hope these will give you comfort in knowing you’re not the only one going through the same thing or a laugh knowing there are others similar to you! 🙂 (Which IS the reason I started my page! 😀 )

Here are the responses from my page to finish the sentence You might be an Autism Parent if…

your child lives off 5 foods or less!
Just Another Day With Autism

you stock up on a food that your child likes,
only to have them suddenly refuse to eat it.
Aspiemom: AdventuresinAutismland

you stock up and buy the next few sizes
up when you find clothing or shoes your
kids will actually wear.
Aspiemom: AdventuresinAutismland

your child loves to splash in puddles but hates when
his shoes are wet so you make sure you have a
paper towel anytime you think the ground looks wet.
Stacy Lengyel-Sclesky

the YouTube celebrities that
do tours are their “friends”.
Jackie Linder Olson

if you and your husband have MULTIPLE conversations
on the well being and origins of cartoon characters!
Autism, The not “normal” normal

you have own 300 kids dvds
and only 5 work.
Autism, The not “normal” normal

you take pictures of the lines your kid creates.
Zsanece Brown


your child refuses to eat arby’s because
it the day he usually gets Popeye’s!
Patrice Goss

when strangers know your address because
your child blurts it out to everyone he meets.
Kate Boykin

Your son CANT drink the tea you just made
him Because “its in the wrong cup””!
Kathy Michele Garrett

your house looks like Fort Knox
and your kid still manages to get out.
Sandra Wells

You dread taking your child in a public restroom
because the hand dryers freak him out.
Ashtin Schissler

you have had to limit the food
on the plate due to “stuffing”.
Brandie Valentine

You have purchased a few extra sets of rechargeable
batteries and always have them charged and ready.
Brandie Valentine 

When you have seen the same episode
of blues clues 100 times…. In a single day.
Brandie Valentine

You wait outside of the grocery store for a few minutes
to “test the waters” before attempting grocery shopping.
Brandie Valentine

You have realized that his rituals
have become your rituals.
Brandie Valentine

 You have mastered the buzz cut
because getting his hair professionally
cut causes you both extreme anxiety.
Brandie Valentine

When you have a strong lock on everything,
even and especially the refrigerator.
Melissa DiMauro

You have a panic attack when
the cable goes out.
Melanie Ash

your child’s bed now has 10 blankets and your willing
to cover up with a washcloth cause its been
18 hours since either of you slept.
Jeanna Payne

you start counting how many wipes you
have when your child spots the mud puddle.
Jeanna Payne

you’ve been singing and watching the same nursery
rhymes for the past six years, at home AND in the car!
Sana Arsalan

a TV schedule change fills you with dread.
Felicity Goodhall

You rely a hell of alot on an
iPad to keep things calm.
Roy Carter

You want to cry when a food company
changes it’s packaging.
Jacob’s Journey with Autism, Mood Disorder, and NF1

It doesn’t matter how
high you put something,
he/she will still get it.
Alex Falkner

 You have to figure out if it’s because of puberty
or he needs another med adjustment.
Randomness of Our Lives

You’re terrified when you hear the
toilet paper roll and then a flush.
Letters From A Spectrum Mom

your house is like the motel 6 cause
our lights are always on.
Diane Bagby Jenkins

 Weighted gear is a part of
everyday normal life.
Ashley Matheney

 You are in a secret panic because of the
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese recipe change.
Tina Howard

 Your kid can tell you everything there is to
know about Abraham Lincoln, but can’t
remember to put on underwear.
Tina Howard

you have your own weighted
blanket just because.
Kate Boykin

 Your child could sing every word from
frozen, on key, after the first viewing.
Laura Hernandez

Your child’s IQ is high, but he can’t
put his own clothes on most mornings.
Laura Hernandez

The low battery sign on any
technology device fills you with horror.
Kali Power

Your child has more appointments
per week than you do.
Kali Power

Your child’s closet is full of clothing
but they only wear one outfit.
Kali Power

 When you grocery shop, everything
in your cart is the same color!
Support Howie, say no to bullies

 You have to angle every picture so you
can’t tell my child refuses to wear cloths!
Jennifer Brandon

 If Monday morning makes you
cringe more than a IRS audit.
Jeanna Payne

 If u wear sneakers are your only shoes
with every outfit even a dress or skirt
because u are ready to run.
SundayIn Berkshire

you can handle your ASD kid’s meltdown but say
“what’s your problem” to your typical kids.
Alexia Herbowy Conrad

you click almost instantly with
other ASD parents.
Alexia Herbowy Conrad 

you know that actions speak
so much louder than words.
Alexia Herbowy Conrad

 

your ASD kiddo is better than a Doppler
radar when there’s change in the air.
Alexia Herbowy Conrad

“I need coffee” really means just give
me the whole pot and walk away!
Finely Davis

the words “Watch this YouTube video” make
you want to run away screaming.
Dawn Barnsdale

christmas movies and music
aren’t just for christmas.
Kim Marie

you no longer judge the distance between
locations by miles, but by the number of times
your child’s favorite song repeats! 5.5 plays
until we get to Grandma’s!
Virginia Dorrell

you have watched their favorite movies
and shows 1,647 times, but keep doing so
because it makes them happy and calm.
Ashley Tilden-Allen

Your child has ninja skills, which makes you feel both
proud and petrified!
Ashley Tilden-Allen

your childs disappearing acts that would rival
Houdini are both impressive and heart stopping.
Ashley Tilden-Allen

you wake up to legos all
over and in your bed.
Autistic Angels

if your child can explain in detail why it’s possible
for a human to hold an alligator’s mouth shut with
his or her bare hands, then as a followup asks for a
detailed explanation of what the
expressions ‘blew it’ and ‘nailed it’ mean.”
Where’s Mommy’s Coffee?

 your child Streaks.
Melissa Dunn

when he tries something new and IF he likes it…
it’s like winning the lotto and posted on FB.
Kimberly Penaloza

your child refuses to wear a winter coat even
when it’s -30 below and a foot of snow!
Stacy Lengyel-Sclesky

 my child can’t stand the smell up cupcakes
but can sit on the toilet for 45 minutes pooping
and not be bothered the smell.
Kimberly Morales

random shrieking is not a cause for alarm.
Alex Pankratz

you can’t buy their pants in a
normal store anymore,
cause elastic waists aren’t
made that big at K-mart.
Alex Pankratz

melatonin is a normal
item on the grocery list
Alex Pankratz

markers are a bribe
for toenail trimming.
Alex Pankratz

If you have to hide the
crocs throughout the winter.
Sarah Jane Allen

You’ve been surviving on caffeine
and paperwork since 2011.
A is for Awesome – and Autism 

Half priced melatonin is more exciting
than Christmas morning.
A is for Awesome – and Autism 

You bolt to the grocery store in the middle of the
night because you’ve run out of one of the
four foods your child will actually eat.
A is for Awesome – and Autism 

 if your child can’t spell words,
but can spell YouTube, Facebook,
Google, Twitter, Nick Jr., Hulu, etc.. etc…
Lorena Sanchez Jauregui

you avoid making too much noise while
opening up a snack for yourself, only to
realize your child’s already there.
Lorena Sanchez Jauregui

you have to tip toe to go to the restroom very early
in the morning to avoid waking up your child….
you have to replace headphones frequently.
Lorena Sanchez Jauregui

 If the sound of grinding teeth suddenly became
so normal to you (because That’s all he does)
after years of it bothering you.
Prinsesa Martinez

loves a bath but lord forbid
the shower gets turned on.
Felicia Goade

 you find your shoes in the freezer
and put them away without thinking twice.
Sara Byk

your child has you trained to script with him
in barks, and you know all your lines exactly.
Sara Byk

you have to wrestle a bite of cookie into your
child’s mouth before he realizes it’s a
cookie and then you have to hide the bag
bc he now knows it holds cookies
Emma Alspaugh

you have to cover your child’s ears during
their own birthday songs at restaurants but
they’re still clapping along!
Emma Alspaugh

you celebrate the first time your child lets
you trim their nails without a meltdown.
Danielle Alonzo

you set a special ringtone for
your childs school and/or daycare.
Kate Wright

after your child’s diagnosis, and learning
about all the different sides of the spectrum…
that you start realizing you may be on it too.
My Crazy Little People

If I missed anyone, I’m sorry! I tried to go back through all the comments on all of the pictures too to try to find any! If you have one of your own that isn’t on the list, leave them in the comments! 😀

**If you see your quote and do not want it on the list, please either leave a message or contact me directly and I will edit it off the blog. **