I HATE that phrase…

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Can I just get all of the boys doctors all in one room and everyone can tell me how to raise and feed my kids all at one time?
Being told over and over and over from different people who don’t actually KNOW my kids is getting EXTREMELY overwhelming… and annoying.

*sigh*
So, I blew up on one of the doctors at the Pediatrician’s office we go to today. They have many Doctors/Nurse Practitioners there… and he wasn’t the one we normally see, but was the one whom they set us up with to do his Health and Physical to be cleared for his Sedation Hearing test in two days.

I didn’t mean to.
I didn’t want to.
I tried to hold it in as much as I possibly could… but as soon as he said that phrase… I just couldn’t hold it in any more.

So he walks in.
Says hi… starts typing.
“And what are we seeing you guys for today?”

I explained.
He finished typing, grabbed some gloves and walked over to Jax.
He starts listening to his chest and the first thing he says… before asking me questions about how he eats or how often… he asks if he has been tested for >>whatever<<… I said no, I don’t know what that is.

“It’s >blah blah blah< when they can’t stop eating. They just eat and eat and eat.”

I was like… seriously?!
“He doesn’t eat a lot… or every often”
“Huh”
*keeps examining*
He asks me very vague questions about his eating… I explain he really only snacks.. Mostly crunchy carbs… cereal and veggie straws.

And again… without asking me why… without asking me what I’ve tried… without asking me if he has any actual issues with anything… he starts telling me about this little girl…

Who was “quite big” and only two.
And I’m just staring at him… NOT smiling… because I was pissed.
This was NOT why I was here… and I JUST got to listen to all this crap two weeks ago at his Eval.

He’s going on and on about eating… and all I can think was, Jax has been barely holding it together by this point. He just wants to leave…
Then he started explaining how you start with meat, and once they eat that THEN they get fruit… then they get juice or a cereal…. And you do that all day… and that little girl didn’t eat the whole day… (In my head I’m telling myself… stay calm… stay calm…. Don’t freak out. You’re almost out of here… just keep nodding).

Then he smiled at me… like he was trying to reassure me… and said “They’ll eat when they’re hungry. Don’t worry. He won’t starve!”

That phrase… THAT FREAKING PHRASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sure… some kids WILL eat if you hold out… they’ve been shown from an early age that they don’t “have” to eat what they don’t want to.

But for kids like mine… who will literally starve before eating something that they just can’t stand… it’s not going to happen. It doesn’t mean I don’t try and offer new foods… but forcing them… doing the whole “you’ll eat when you’re hungry” makes it worse… and makes them have an even worse attitude towards food. And it’s down right dangerous to offer that advice when you don’t know the kid. AT. FREAKING. ALL!!!

I couldn’t… I lasted as long as I could, and I blew up… I cried…

“I’ve tried that! I’ve got three Autistic kids with food aversions and sensory issues and I’ve tried that! It doesn’t work. What I’ve been doing has been working… when I tried that… it made it worse! I’m tired of getting crapped on about his weight every time I go to a doctor’s appointment!!”

Totally shocked… he back peddles “I’m not being harsh… I’m just trying to ask questions and find out… I don’t know anything about you guys… I’m just telling you what’s worked… trying to help.”

I wanted to yell: But you’re NOT asking… you’re TELLING!!!!

“I can’t feed him anything different until I know what’s wrong with him. He’s had issues since birth!! I’m trying my best!”

I explained more… Explained the tests we’ve done. Explained how I think he might have Celiac… that he gets severe diarrhea… that he screams when I give him different foods.

He stopped talking… finished the eval…
Jax and I both calmed down.

Then he starts telling me to not worry… that kids like this get better.
That kids on the spectrum just need positive parenting… and goes on about how to parent a child like him.

I internally rolled my eyes so hard.
FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?! Is this the visit from hell????
NOW… NOW we’re not only telling me how to feed my child… you’re telling me how to raise him… without asking me how I do it…
UGHHHH

“I’ve got two other, older Autistic kids… I know what I’m doing.”
“You have two other Autistic kids? That’s uncommon.”

(soooooooooo you weren’t actually listening to me when I was upset… when I said I had three Autistic kids… do you think I was just kidding?!)

He finally left…
And I bawled my eyes out…
It’s been an hour and I’m still freaking crying over this crap.

I obsess…
I worry…
I stress…
I FREAK THE CRAP OUT about making sure I’m being the best possible parent for my kids… in all aspects. Teaching them, loving them, caring for them, disciplining them, feeding them, therapy, exercise….

And some guy… who hasn’t seen my son in 2 ½ years (he saw him at 2 weeks old), and for maybe 5 minutes, is giving me parenting advice.

I criticize myself enough on my own… I don’t need anyone else to do it for me.

Everyone is telling me what I need to do.
School tells me to work on this… therapists tell me to work on the areas they’re focused on… doctors tell me to focus on feeding and exercise…

What you all want me to do… and expect of me… is all “advice”…
I’m the parent!!!
I get to FREAKING choose for my children what is most important right now.
Plus…
I’ve got THREE Autistic kids who all have therapists and doctors telling me what they all need me to be focusing on…
There’s only one me… and I’m doing the best I can.

Especially considering I’ve got my own mental and physical health I’m trying to deal with.

*sigh*

I just needed to vent this out or I’d end up crying about it all day.
I planned on coming back to our page soon… but with all these doctors apts where I’m being beaten down… I don’t know when I’ll ever be mentally ready to come back… These migraines are killing me.

Anyway…  
I Love and appreciate you guys. ❤

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Compulsions

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Tyler doesn’t like finishing things.

He will drink his sippy until it’s half full and then ask for more. Same goes with food, if I give him crackers, he’ll eat half of them and then won’t touch the rest. If he’s still hungry, he’ll ask me for more, but not finish the half he already has. lol

It’s frustrating sometimes. So, we’ve learned to just refill what he has so we’re not really wasting… and we always encourage him to eat or drink the rest of what he has. Some days it’s not much of a fight… other days he gets so overwhelmed and upset it ends in a a frustration outburst.

It’s easy for us to just get angry when kids do things or don’t do things… because WE think that they’re just being kids and need to listen to us. But I know people who don’t drink the last few sips of their drinks because they think that it’s just backwash. Or people who won’t drink liquids that have no screw top and aren’t see through (something could have crawled into it and you’d never know). Everyone has their quirks… some seem absolutely ridiculous to people, where the people who believe them, believe them wholeheartedly.

Always try to choose your battles.
Is THIS really “the hill you want to die on”?

Food Issues Comment

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The person who commented on this picture took their comment down which then also deleted mine… so I had to paraphrase the best I could. But, I think it’s important for people to understand, so I’m taking the time to rewrite and add on a bit to my responce since I’m making it into a blog. 🙂

(Not exactly word for word… but I did my best to remember everything)
Thank GOD my daughter isn’t like that. I never bought into all that crap. My daughter eats what is put in front of her. I’m sure she’d only eat one thing too if I only let her eat the things she wants to eat. It’s not good for them! If they don’t want to eat it now, wait. They’ll eat it when they get hungry. And a nutritionist I talked to agreed with me!

You know… I used to think that way too. That’s how I was raised. I wasn’t allowed to leave the table until I finished my plate, and if I didn’t, I wasn’t allowed to eat anything for the rest of the night. If it was something I just wasn’t going to eat, I’d sit there for hours. I’d TRY to eat it… but I just… couldn’t.

I even tried to apply this to my kids before I found out they were Autistic and had Texture issues/Food Aversions. I wouldn’t keep anything in the house that was bad for the kids (and if I did, they were hidden and ONLY every once and a while. Like gummies once a week)… before they regressed they pretty much ate everything and anything. I can remember back when Tyler was about a year old eating a sub with lettuce and tomatoes on it (torn apart of course, but he’d eat everything). Pasta, avocado, all kinds of fruits and veggies… Justin ate pretty much the same stuff minus the avocado. lol It actually makes me sad thinking about it. But then they regressed. They didn’t stop eating everything right off the bat. It was like they got tired of eating it, so I figured, ‘no big deal… they need a break from it, we’ll do it again next week…’. Only next week they didn’t want it either (or they would only eat a little bit of it)… and then the following week they wouldn’t eat it until I realized they just weren’t eating it at all any more. And slowly… most of the foods they loved started becoming foods they wouldn’t even try anymore without a screaming/wrestling match. I tried the “you’re not getting up until you eat” or “you’re not eating anything else until you eat this… when you’re hungry an hour from now, I’ll heat this back up and you can eat it then”… But it never worked. Knowing what I know now, I feel bad that I pushed them like that.

Every once and a while… holding them still and getting even just a small bite in their mouth to remind them that they liked it worked, but not often. Usually they would start gagging and spitting it out like it was the worst thing they’ve ever tasted.

Jax (their little brother) on the other hand started off with texture issues/food aversions. He’s NEVER wanted to eat fruits and veggies… pasta… He’ll eat some fruits/veggies if they’re purred, but he also has some other issues we’re trying to figure out.

It wasn’t until I started learning about my kids food issues that I really started to understand mine. My Mom would get SO ANGRY with me for not eating. Back then everything was just… gross. Everything smelled gross, looked gross… I was a lot like Justin. I would eat some things, but I had a very limited interest (and my Mom loved cooking with onions and peppers). I got picked on a LOT for being a picky eater. It got worse the older I got. “Why can’t you be more like your brother – see, he’s eating it!” or “stop being such a baby and eat it.” We would go to Red Lobster or somewhere for a special occasion and I’d order chicken fingers. They were safe and I knew I’d eat them. My husband says that I have “little kid taste buds”. I don’t like beer or wine or even most alcohols. I don’t like eating most fruits and veggies… I like most of the flavors of them, but I don’t like the texture. Like I LOVE apples… raw. But I cannot and will not eat an apple pie. I hate the texture of a cooked apple. Then there are some veggies I just can’t bring myself to eat because I recoil just thinking about eating them.

Believe me. I don’t WANT to be like this. I WANT to be able to eat everything and anything. Do you know how much it sucks when you wanted to “grow up” to be a chef, only to realize you can’t because you have to taste the food you’re making? I love to cook… with cool and crazy colors and spices… I love creating. But I can’t eat it. It sucks. I get SO BORED with my food options… but I can only get so creative with the limited choices I have when cooking for myself. I do try new things, but between just not being able to try it, hold it down, or the texture… I end up not liking much. There are a few times where I’ll actually try something new and like it! Those are pretty exciting days, but it’s often discouraging because they’re SO few and far between.

So in ending this blog, since I’m now rewriting it, is in two fold…

1: When you see and read things like the picture at the top, hopefully this will give you a better understanding and you’ll either keep scrolling and hold off on judgment or at least remind you to be thankful you don’t have to worry about all of this.

2: If you ARE raising a kid who has issues with food for one reason or another… to try to be patient. As a Mom of special needs kids with food issues… it’s frustrating. All I want is for them to be happy and healthy and have more than the few options they have right now to eat. Then I have to remind myself, I know what it’s like for them. It’s not their fault… and it’s not fun on that side either.

A special thank you to Autism Odysseys for allowing me to use their picture for my blog! 🙂