I HATE that phrase…

Standard

Can I just get all of the boys doctors all in one room and everyone can tell me how to raise and feed my kids all at one time?
Being told over and over and over from different people who don’t actually KNOW my kids is getting EXTREMELY overwhelming… and annoying.

*sigh*
So, I blew up on one of the doctors at the Pediatrician’s office we go to today. They have many Doctors/Nurse Practitioners there… and he wasn’t the one we normally see, but was the one whom they set us up with to do his Health and Physical to be cleared for his Sedation Hearing test in two days.

I didn’t mean to.
I didn’t want to.
I tried to hold it in as much as I possibly could… but as soon as he said that phrase… I just couldn’t hold it in any more.

So he walks in.
Says hi… starts typing.
“And what are we seeing you guys for today?”

I explained.
He finished typing, grabbed some gloves and walked over to Jax.
He starts listening to his chest and the first thing he says… before asking me questions about how he eats or how often… he asks if he has been tested for >>whatever<<… I said no, I don’t know what that is.

“It’s >blah blah blah< when they can’t stop eating. They just eat and eat and eat.”

I was like… seriously?!
“He doesn’t eat a lot… or every often”
“Huh”
*keeps examining*
He asks me very vague questions about his eating… I explain he really only snacks.. Mostly crunchy carbs… cereal and veggie straws.

And again… without asking me why… without asking me what I’ve tried… without asking me if he has any actual issues with anything… he starts telling me about this little girl…

Who was “quite big” and only two.
And I’m just staring at him… NOT smiling… because I was pissed.
This was NOT why I was here… and I JUST got to listen to all this crap two weeks ago at his Eval.

He’s going on and on about eating… and all I can think was, Jax has been barely holding it together by this point. He just wants to leave…
Then he started explaining how you start with meat, and once they eat that THEN they get fruit… then they get juice or a cereal…. And you do that all day… and that little girl didn’t eat the whole day… (In my head I’m telling myself… stay calm… stay calm…. Don’t freak out. You’re almost out of here… just keep nodding).

Then he smiled at me… like he was trying to reassure me… and said “They’ll eat when they’re hungry. Don’t worry. He won’t starve!”

That phrase… THAT FREAKING PHRASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sure… some kids WILL eat if you hold out… they’ve been shown from an early age that they don’t “have” to eat what they don’t want to.

But for kids like mine… who will literally starve before eating something that they just can’t stand… it’s not going to happen. It doesn’t mean I don’t try and offer new foods… but forcing them… doing the whole “you’ll eat when you’re hungry” makes it worse… and makes them have an even worse attitude towards food. And it’s down right dangerous to offer that advice when you don’t know the kid. AT. FREAKING. ALL!!!

I couldn’t… I lasted as long as I could, and I blew up… I cried…

“I’ve tried that! I’ve got three Autistic kids with food aversions and sensory issues and I’ve tried that! It doesn’t work. What I’ve been doing has been working… when I tried that… it made it worse! I’m tired of getting crapped on about his weight every time I go to a doctor’s appointment!!”

Totally shocked… he back peddles “I’m not being harsh… I’m just trying to ask questions and find out… I don’t know anything about you guys… I’m just telling you what’s worked… trying to help.”

I wanted to yell: But you’re NOT asking… you’re TELLING!!!!

“I can’t feed him anything different until I know what’s wrong with him. He’s had issues since birth!! I’m trying my best!”

I explained more… Explained the tests we’ve done. Explained how I think he might have Celiac… that he gets severe diarrhea… that he screams when I give him different foods.

He stopped talking… finished the eval…
Jax and I both calmed down.

Then he starts telling me to not worry… that kids like this get better.
That kids on the spectrum just need positive parenting… and goes on about how to parent a child like him.

I internally rolled my eyes so hard.
FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?! Is this the visit from hell????
NOW… NOW we’re not only telling me how to feed my child… you’re telling me how to raise him… without asking me how I do it…
UGHHHH

“I’ve got two other, older Autistic kids… I know what I’m doing.”
“You have two other Autistic kids? That’s uncommon.”

(soooooooooo you weren’t actually listening to me when I was upset… when I said I had three Autistic kids… do you think I was just kidding?!)

He finally left…
And I bawled my eyes out…
It’s been an hour and I’m still freaking crying over this crap.

I obsess…
I worry…
I stress…
I FREAK THE CRAP OUT about making sure I’m being the best possible parent for my kids… in all aspects. Teaching them, loving them, caring for them, disciplining them, feeding them, therapy, exercise….

And some guy… who hasn’t seen my son in 2 ½ years (he saw him at 2 weeks old), and for maybe 5 minutes, is giving me parenting advice.

I criticize myself enough on my own… I don’t need anyone else to do it for me.

Everyone is telling me what I need to do.
School tells me to work on this… therapists tell me to work on the areas they’re focused on… doctors tell me to focus on feeding and exercise…

What you all want me to do… and expect of me… is all “advice”…
I’m the parent!!!
I get to FREAKING choose for my children what is most important right now.
Plus…
I’ve got THREE Autistic kids who all have therapists and doctors telling me what they all need me to be focusing on…
There’s only one me… and I’m doing the best I can.

Especially considering I’ve got my own mental and physical health I’m trying to deal with.

*sigh*

I just needed to vent this out or I’d end up crying about it all day.
I planned on coming back to our page soon… but with all these doctors apts where I’m being beaten down… I don’t know when I’ll ever be mentally ready to come back… These migraines are killing me.

Anyway…  
I Love and appreciate you guys. ❤

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