You don’t know me.
Honestly, that should be enough of an argument, but it never is with you.
Because despite not knowing me, you think you know enough to say whether I’m a good or bad mother.
You make assumptions based off of a small piece of my life…
A snapshot you think you understand.
But here’s the thing troll…
You really don’t need to tell me what a horrible mother I am.
How you would “never do that”.
You don’t need to belittle me.
Beat me down.
Make me feel like I’m not good enough.
Like I’m failing at my job, and life.
You really don’t need to.
Because you see, I’m already telling myself that.
I’m already seeing all of my imperfections.
The times I post online about any “parent fails” that I decided to laugh about instead of cry about…
That’s just how I appear on the outside.
That’s the mask I wear.
Behind the computer, I am crying… on the inside.
Kicking myself for not doing better.
For not being better.
So you really don’t need to call me out.
Pull me down.
Try to hurt me for whatever reason trolls have for doing it.
Because I do it all on my own.
But because of my failures,
Because of my imperfectness…
Because I’m so hard on myself and only wish to be the best possible version of myself FOR my children…
I try harder.
Push myself more.
Make myself get creative.
Constantly looking for new or better ways to do things, to teach things.
Researching and googling and learning.
I’m always pushing myself, well past the point of physical or mental pain and exhaustion for my children.
Because I want them to succeed in life.
I want them to have the best childhood they possibly can have.
Not because of the “stuff” they’ve got.
But because of the adventures they had.
The memories we made.
And I always pray that they remember me smiling.
Despite how I feel on the inside.
Like I’m not good enough.
Like I’ll never be good enough.
Like… what’s the point in me even being alive – I’m sure there are others out there who could do better.
So troll, you really don’t need to criticize me.
I do it well enough on my own.
But thankfully troll, you’re not the only voice I hear or see.
You see troll, there are people who are cheering me on.
Who see my imperfections… but see me smiling through the hard parts.
Making light of rough days.
Because they’re going through them too.
Honestly troll… I feel bad for you.
If you really honestly knew me, you’d know I’m the type of person who will always lift you up when you’re having a bad day.
And thankfully those are the type of people I surround myself with.
Because after your comment, that’s exactly what I got.
People who were kind and loving and lifted me up after a bad day.
So good bye troll.
You’ll just be another person on my “Ban/Block” list.