I used to pee my pants…

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Talk about a headline right? Lol
I’ve been thinking about this subject for about a month or so now.
But I don’t always have the time to really sit down and write out how I feel about something, and then sometimes it takes me a while of obsessing over it before I’ve finally found my voice.

(Plus, who in their right mind would tell a bunch of people that they used to pee their pants. lol)

When I was about Justin and Tyler’s age, I think a year or two older… I was still having accidents.

I remember going camping with a friend (I think I was like 5 or 6?), and while I was pushing her on the swing, I realized I peed myself.
I don’t remember anything before hand.
I don’t remember needing to go.
All I knew was that I was having a lot of fun and then… it just happened.
I remember my friend looking at me like there was something wrong with me.
I remember her Mom rushing me to their area to get me changed.
I remember feeling like an outcast.

Then when I was about 7-8? Maybe? I remember my Mom got us food at a fast food place, then taking us to the park to each and play afterward.
We were all (I think there were 2-4 kids? And her) sitting at a picnic table…. We were laughing and having a great time… And then I realized I wet myself. I don’t remember feeling like I needed to go… I remember being old enough to think about spilling my drink on myself so it looked like I didn’t pee my pants…
I remember being picked on about it.

I remember moments like these as a kid… and I didn’t understand why I did it.

Why I had issues with accidents.

Eventually the anxiety of being made fun of or looked at like I was some weird… gross person, helped me be more conscious of my body… but it also made me stop drinking as much.
I could go almost all day without drinking anything because then there was a less likely chance of needing to go to the bathroom.
And I wasn’t particularly fond of going to public restrooms.

But it wasn’t until I realized I was on the spectrum, doing a lot of soul-searching, trying to better understand myself and looking at the way or why I do things to either help myself or to help (and better understand) my kids, that I realized what was happening.

Because I still do it.
I don’t pee my pants… but I almost pee my pants… a lot.
For some reason, my body doesn’t tell my brain that I have to pee when I’m busy.
It’s like it’s too busy focusing on what we’re doing, that while my bladder is saying “Uhhh dude…. We’re uh… we’re fillin’ up here man…”
My brain is like “Okay, we need to clean this room, and oh look there’s some stuff over there and HEY! What if we did this? And oh hey, don’t forget about this and that and OH OH OH!” lol

But because I’ve had to deal with this for so long… it isn’t until I’ve calmed my thoughts that I realize I either A: hadn’t drank anything for hours (because I’m subconsciously not drinking anything) or B: am crossing my legs and doing the “I’m going to pee myself dance”… then I run to the bathroom and barely make it.

One of my other goals is to be a healthier me – so drinking more water is a goal… which means more potty breaks.

I’m not going to lie… that’s been throwing me off.

I’m not used to needing to go so often.

And there have been a few times that I’m running around trying to clean and take care of the kids that I suddenly realize, if I don’t get to the bathroom RIGHT NOW, I’m not going to make it.

So, while my kids are still not potty trained, looking back at myself and trying to understand myself, may help me better understand my kids later.

Like even if they say they don’t have to potty, they might need to.
Because you could have TOTALLY asked me if I needed to go, and I would have said no.
I’m fine.

Making sure to take them to sit on the potty often… so they have plenty of chances to go.
Which also helps them get into the routine that they’ll follow over with as an adult.
In case their brains have a hard time understanding the need to go.
And making sure they stay hydrated…

I know this is kind of a weird subject to talk about myself … but if there are others out there with kids like me, who just DONT GET WHATS GOING ON?!?!! Lol
Maybe this will help.
Because I highly doubt my Mom knew why I was having accidents at the age I was at.

So if this helped you, pass it along, and maybe it’ll help someone else too.

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